Band Jokes

Band geeks are commonly the butt of many a joke, which is why we decide at one point or another to join the fun and make fun of ourselves. Here is a compilation of a few of the better ones [F.Y.I. These are clean jokes.]

Q: Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
A: Give him some sheet music.


Q: How can you tell if a plane is full of flute players?
A: When the engines stop, the whining continues.


Q: How many trumpets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one; he holds it and the world revolves around him.

Q: A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
A: The conductor. Business before pleasure.


Q: How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
A: Shoot one.

Q: Why don't baritone players play hide and seek?
A: No one will look for them.


Q: What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
A: Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.


Q: How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
A: Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.


Q: What is the main reason for air pollution?
A: So much of it has passed through sousaphones.


Q: What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces.

Q: What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?
A: Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.


Q: What do a saxophone and a baseball bat have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

Q: What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

If you've ever been a member of the band, you probably know someone like "Dan."


Q: What is the definition of perfect pitch in a piccolo?
A: When you throw it in the toilet and it doesn't hit the rim.

Q: Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?
A: He's too sensitive.


Q: How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Zero. They just complain about the darkness until a trombone player does it for them.

Q: Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
A: Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.

Ah, those blissfully ignorant of what color guard is...


Of course, there are always the ever-popular "You know you're a band geek when..." jokes. Finally, bringing up the rear, we have the term "band geeks," as defined by Uncyclopedia.